Who do you want to be? Who are you being?

February 24, 2023

It’s almost officially spring and a great time to start new habits. I hope you’ve heard me say this many times: Transformational Coaching starts with you paying attention to you. You working on yourself. You developing your self-awareness and skills. I can teach you lots of coaching sentence stems and strategies, but when you sit down for that coaching session, you are who you are. Who do you want to be? Who are you being?

Here are some suggestions for practices you might try (if they’re not already in your repertoire) that I promise will contribute to your development as a coach and leader:

  • Begin your day with 12 minutes of meditation. There are so many ways to meditate – the main idea is to bring awareness to one anchor point – your breath, a sound, a sensation, a guided visualization. Two of my favorite resources for meditations are the 10% app, and the Waking Up app. And 12 minutes is the minimum that research has found has a substantive positive effect. And yeah, I am going to keep encouraging you to meditate every now and then.
  • Set an intention in the morning. Write it down. With a pen, on paper. An intention is a statement about how you want to be. It’s important to be kind to yourself in your intention setting and in the reflection you do at the end of the day (or the following morning) on how you held your intention.
  • Take in the good several times a day. We humans pay close attention to what’s not working, both in ourselves and in others. But it’s likely that you experience moments of love, gratitude, awe, meaning, connection, and so on – the pleasant states that we aspire to experience every day. Start noticing when those arise, and in those moments, stop. Close your eyes. Take five deep breaths. Let your body fill with these emotions. This process moves the experience from the implicit to the explicit mind, and the state will be remembered more regularly.
  • Designate 10-15 minutes a day to worry. During this designated time, write down (paper and pen) the things you’re worried about. If you wake up worrying at night, tell yourself that you must wait until the designated worry time to go into it. When your writing time is up, tell your fear: thank you for sharing. I’m ok right now.
  • End your day by forgiving yourself for the moments when you fell short. This podcast greatly impacted me (and this one, too). In it, Tara Brach (psychologist and meditation teacher) explains that we accumulate judgment of ourselves throughout the day. Before bed, she suggests we review the day and notice where we’ve held judgment of ourselves and say something to ourselves like, forgiven. Forgiven. With an attitude of kindness. I’ve been doing this practice at the end of the day for a few weeks, and it’s creating incredible self-compassion ripple effects.

We are a collection of habits. These practices, if they become habits, can profoundly impact your resilience and efficacy. Try one for 21 consecutive days before you evaluate it.

Happy Spring!

More Blogs

View All Blogs

5 Questions I Ask Myself When I Design PD

May 6, 2024

I’m deep into designing my new, in-person The Art of Transformational Coaching workshop, which I’ll deliver during fall 2024 in 9 cities around the U.S. This workshop is based on my forthcoming book, Arise: The Art of Transformational Coaching, and both the book and workshop reflect all that I’ve learned in the 20 years since I became a coach, and in the 11 years since I published The Art of Coaching (retiring in July 2024 with the release of Arise). 

Read Article

My best design resource

April 29, 2024

I am deep in planning my new in-person workshop on Transformational Coaching. In Fall 2024, I’ll be taking this 2-day learning experience on the road. It’s been over 4 years since I’ve done these kinds of workshops, and I can’t wait to be in person with others who are committed to transforming schools. 

Read Article

End-of-year reflection questions for you

April 22, 2024

These reflection questions invite you to consider your ways of being—and they’re ones you can offer coaching clients as well. At the core of Transformational Coaching is the concept of the Three Bs: Behaviors, beliefs, and ways of being. We know that it is only by coaching in these three domains that we create sustained, transformative change in schools; our behaviors emerge from our beliefs and our ways of being. 

Read Article

“These kids can’t…”

April 15, 2024

My newest book, Arise: The Art of Transformational Coaching (July 2024), has two chapters dedicated to coaching for equity. And another three on coaching emotions. And even more on preparing ourselves to coach. And of course, a lot of concrete strategies. It has so much because in many ways, this is complex. And it’s also simple: when we tend to ourselves, we can tend to others. 

Read Article

Bright Morning Podcast

View Podcasts

How to Coach Towards Agency

May 13, 2024

How to Curb Your “Fix It” Tendency

May 6, 2024

Core Human Needs and Coaching Conversations

April 29, 2024

How to Coach Ways of Being

April 22, 2024

Building Strong Coach/Admin Relationships

March 18, 2024

Sneak Peek #1: Inside Elena’s Newest Book!

March 25, 2024

Sneak Peek #2: Inside Elena’s Newest Book!

April 1, 2024

Sneak Peek #3: Inside Elena’s Newest Book!

April 8, 2024

Sneak Peek #4: Inside Elena's Newest Book!

April 15, 2024

What to Do When You’re Not Feeling Compassionate or Curious

March 11, 2024

What You Need to Know about Classroom Walkthroughs

March 4, 2024

How to Set Up Meeting Process Observers

February 26, 2024

Coaches of Color, It’s Time to Honor Your Needs

February 19, 2024

How to Use the Ladder of Inference in Your Coaching Conversations

February 12, 2024

I Don’t Want to Co-Sign THOSE Feelings.

February 5, 2024

Try It On: Supercharge Your Learning

November 27, 2023

Try It On: Let Your Coachee Lead

November 20, 2023

Try It On: The Power of Silence

November 13, 2023

Try It On: A Question to Unlock Our Power

November 6, 2023

Try It On: A Question to Surface Underlying Beliefs

October 30, 2023

Try It On: A Confidence Building Sentence Stem

October 23, 1987

Try It On: Less Talking, More Impact

October 16, 2023

Try It On: Learn from Your Coachee’s Non-Verbals

October 9, 2023

Try It On: Improve Your Communication with Non-Verbals

October 2, 2023

What You Need to Know About Taking Notes During Your Coaching Conversations

September 25, 2023

How to Prepare for a Coaching Conversation in Five Minutes

September 18, 2023

How to Set Goals with Your Coachees

September 11, 2023

How to Introduce Yourself as a Coach

September 4, 2023

How to Introduce Coaching to New Clients

August 28, 2023

The Six Elements of Transformational Coaching

August 21, 2023

The Six Most Important Things to Know If You're a New Coach

August 14, 2023

Proactively Mitigating and Responding to Harm in Group Spaces

August 7, 2023

Facilitating PD: Post-Event Reflection

July 31, 2023

Designing PD: Reflection Before the Event

July 24, 2023

Designing & Facilitating Team Meetings - Part 2

July 17, 2023

Designing & Facilitating Team Meetings: Part 1

July 10, 2023

Navigating Contagious Negativity

July 3, 2023

Can I Coach Here?

June 26, 2023

When Someone Is “Too Far Gone” for Coaching

June 19, 2023

When “Equity” is Prohibited

June 12, 2023

Coaching Conversation: Finding Your Power

June 5, 2023

Coaching Conversation: ACE In Action

May 29, 2023

Three Resilience Boosters You Haven’t Heard Before

May 22, 2023

The Role of “Self-Care” for Educators

May 15, 2023

What do we mean by “every conversation is an equity conversation?”

April 10, 2023

Coaching When You’re the Boss

April 4, 2023

Responding When Emotionally Activated

March 27, 2023

How to Build Your Team’s EQ

March 20, 2023

How to Close Your Coaching Conversations

March 13, 2023

How to Determine Your Coaching Conversation Area of Focus

March 6, 2023

Transformational PD Part 3: Responding to Resistance

February 13, 2023

Transformational PD Part 2: Six Transformational Tips

February 6, 2023

Transformational PD Part 1: What It Is and Why You Need It

January 30, 2023

Coaching Resistance: Part 3 - Coaching Demonstration

January 23, 2023

Coaching Resistance: Part 2 - Preparing OURSELVES

January 16, 2023

Coaching Resistance Part 1: What is Resistance?

January 9, 2022

How to Set Yourself Up For a Great Year

January 2, 2023

In Conversation with Dr. Dena Simmons

November 28, 2022

Disrupting Racism at the Dinner Table…And Beyond

November 21, 2022

Disrupting Racism in Coaching Conversations

November 14, 2022

Why We Need Affinity Spaces

November 7, 2022

Microaggressions 101

October 31, 2022

Coaching Conversation: The Final Conversation

September 26, 2022

Coaching Conversation: Phase 4: Build New Practices

September 19, 2022

Coaching Conversation- What Happens when You Trust the Process

September 12, 2022

Coaching Conversation: Building Relationships and Trust in Phases 1 and 2 of Transformational Coaching

September 5, 2022

Transformational Coaching in Action - Phase 1: Surface Current Reality

August 29, 2022

Limited Series: Starting the School Year Strong - Setting Yourself Up to Coach

August 22, 2022

Limited Series: Starting the School Year Strong Considerations for a Thriving Coaching Program

August 15, 2022

Limited Series: Starting the School Year Strong The PD You Need

August 8, 2022

Starting Strong: The Power of Vision

August 1, 2022

Do What You Can: In Conversation with Sharon McMahon of @SharonSaysSo

June 27, 2022

What to Read This Summer with Dr. Kimberly Parker

June 20, 2022

Coaching Joy

June 13, 2022

Coaching Sadness

June 6, 2022

Coaching Emotions: Anger

May 30, 2022

10 Strategies to Shift a Mood

May 23, 2022

It’s All In the Details

May 16, 2022

When Things Don’t Go According to Plan

May 9, 2022

Powerful Facilitation Starts and Ends With You

May 2, 2022

The PD Book Sneak Peek

April 25, 2022

What to Say: Listener Questions- Asked & Answered

April 18, 2022

Designing Your Racial Equity Learning Journey

March 28, 2022

What to Say: It’s Complex - What to Say as a Person of Color

March 27, 2022

What to Say: Compassion, Curiosity and Boundaries

March 18, 2022

What to Say: Here’s What to Say

March 16, 2022

What to Say: Evaluating What’s Possible

March 14, 2022

What to Say: The Role of Power in Addressing Racism

March 11, 2022

What to Say: The Power of Purpose

March 9, 2022

What to Say: A Framework for Responding to Racism

March 7, 2022

What to Say: Reckoning with Our Past

February 28, 2022

What to Say: Recognizing Racism

February 21, 2022

What to Say: Three Steps to Navigate Your Emotions

February 14, 2022

What to Say: The Role of Your Identity in Responding to Racism

February 7, 2022

The End of Month Routine You Need

January 31, 2022

Three Steps to Better Decision Making

January 24, 2022

What Do You Need to Quit In Order to Stay?

January 17, 2022

Morning Routines for Educators

January 10, 2022

Coach's Corner: It’s Time to Get Your Needs Met

January 3, 2022

Kute Blackson

December 27, 2021