The Real Reason Venting Derails Us

I want to tell you a quick story from early in my coaching practice that I learned a lot from.

I was working with a teacher who was overwhelmed. She had a challenging class, an unsupportive colleague, and a principal who micromanaged everything. When she started venting again, I froze.

I told myself that listening quietly was “supportive,” that she “needed to get it out,” and that interrupting would feel dismissive…but the truth was that I didn’t know what to do.

So I sat there, nodding, while she spiraled deeper into frustration. And when the hour ended, she said something like, “Thank you…I guess.” I feel confident saying that neither of us left feeling any better.

I thought about that conversation a lot in the following days. And I got excited when I had a big a-ha moment and I realized that what would have actually been supportive was having a coach who could be with her emotions and help guide her through them.

That realization set me on the path to finding a better way.

A tool you can try this week

If this scenario feels familiar, here’s a simple Transformational Coaching practice you can use before you say a single word:

Ask yourself: “What way of being do I want to embody right now?”

Compassion? Curiosity? Courage? Humility?

Your answer has the potential to change everything because your way of being is contagious. If you meet venting with fear, you amplify fear. If you meet it with calm curiosity, you create space for possibility.

Try this the next time someone begins venting:

• Take one breath.
• Name your chosen way of being internally.
• Then respond.

You’ll feel the difference immediately.

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Keep Learning:

• Subscribe to my Weekly Wisdom Newsletter to get content like this sent straight to your inbox
• Recognize the core human needs that sit beneath strong emotions with the Coaching Emotions Toolkit
• Tune into this episode of the Bright Morning podcast to learn how to coach big emotions

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