A mistake even experienced coaches make

I most likely haven’t seen you coach, I don’t know about your context, or your goals. And I’m still willing to bet that you will benefit from this advice:

Stop trying to solve the problem.
Start exploring the belief that created it.

When someone says…
“I’ve tried everything,”
or
“That student just doesn’t care,”
or
“This will never work,”
…it’s tempting to dive into strategies (or just quietly seeth).

But strategy doesn’t work when a limiting belief is driving the bus.

Instead, try this question:

“What would you have to believe for this to feel possible?”

Here’s why it works:

It opens up identity—the “who I am” underneath the behavior.
When you explore the belief behind a stuck moment, you’re inviting someone to step out of defensiveness and into self-reflection. You’re helping them see the story they’re telling about themselves: “I’m not good at this,” “I’m failing,” “I’m not the kind of person who…”
Identity is where most resistance begins—and where most breakthroughs happen.

It opens up values—the deeper commitments shaping choices.
Every action (and inaction) is tied to what someone is trying to protect: dignity, belonging, competence, purpose. When you surface the value that’s being held, you shift from fixing behavior to honoring humanity. That’s when people stop resisting and start engaging.

It opens up choice—the space where change becomes possible.
When someone sees their belief clearly, they can decide what to keep, what to release, and what to rewrite. That moment, when a person realizes, “I don’t have to keep thinking this way,” is the doorway to transformation.

If you want to get skilled at helping people rewrite the internal stories that shape their actions, that’s the work we do in The Art of Transformational Coaching—with modeling, practice, and real-time feedback.

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