Separating Stories From Fact

We don’t see the world as it is.
We see it as we interpret it.

And our interpretations—our stories—can take over so quickly that we forget they’re stories at all.

In the Ladder of Inference tool (which you can still download), there’s a line that captures this beautifully: Facts are the raw data as a video camera would record them. Story is the intricate web of meaning we weave around those facts.

Almost all conscious thought is story.

For me, remembering this is an act of compassion. For myself—and for the people I’m coaching. Because when I pause long enough to ask myself, “What is actually the data here?” something shifts in my body. I soften. My breath slows down. I can see more possibilities. I can see the person in front of me more clearly. And that clarity is what transforms coaching.

One of our recent Coaching for Equity workshop participants, Tabby, described it this way:

“After attending, my practice has changed because I now focus on the whole person, rather than just the coaching task. My questioning shifted from my helpfulness to the client’s needs and desires. Subtle changes such as ‘How can I help you?’ to ‘What do you need?’ came directly from this workshop.”

That’s the heart of this work: slowing down enough to see our stories, to examine our assumptions, and to coach the whole person in front of us.

So here’s a practice you might try this week:

1. Notice when you feel activated. Tight shoulders. Quick judgments. The desire to jump straight into solutions.

2. Name the fact. Just one. What would a camera record?

3. Gently ask yourself: “What meaning did I add?” You’re not trying to fix the meaning—just to see it.

4. Choose your next step from clarity. A breath. A question. A softer stance. A more grounded interpretation.

Wherever your week takes you—testing season, team meetings, tricky conversations, shifting priorities—I hope you give yourself this moment of pause.

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‍Keep Learning:

• Subscribe to my Weekly Wisdom Newsletter to get content like this sent straight to your inbox
• Learn and shift the way you listen using this free tool, Listening to Your Own Listening
• Recognize and transform limiting beliefs about emotions

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